


Dying, Dreaming of You

by Mischel



Series: Merlin Rewatch 2020 [13]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s01e13 Le Morte D'Arthur, First Kiss, Hugs, Hurt Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Arthur, Protective Merlin, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:00:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24685735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mischel/pseuds/Mischel
Summary: While Merlin says goodbye to unconscious Arthur and confesses his love for him, Arthur can hear him. He knows that Merlin is planning to sacrifice his life for him, but he can't do anything to stop him. When Merlin finally returns from the Isle of the Blessed and cures Arthur with the water from the cup of life, theyreallyneed to talk. Hugs and kisses <3Set in the episode 1x13 Le Morte D'Arthur
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin Rewatch 2020 [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1670389
Comments: 23
Kudos: 523





	Dying, Dreaming of You

**Author's Note:**

> While watching the episode, I got not one but two fanfic ideas. This one is the short one, the other would be much longer if I had the time to write it. And I'm just now realizing that I have so many WIPs already :D We'll see when I have the time to write it :D
> 
> Anyway, prepare for hugs and kisses and some tears and _enjoy!_

Being unconscious was always _confusing._

Arthur never knew what was real and what was only a dream. Usually, when it seemed too pleasant to be true, he assumed it was a dream. For example, the last time he was unconscious, he was sure he could see Merlin bringing flowers to his chambers.

Daisies and bluebells. They were beautiful.

It was a nice dream. And a dream it must have been. Because Arthur knew that Merlin would never bring him flowers. The gesture seemed too romantic, and Arthur had always known the painful truth.

. . . that such things between them could only happen in his dreams.

This time, being unconscious felt different though. He was in pain, and he was convinced he was dying. He vaguely remembered the Questing Beast's sharp claw digging into his side, his body landing on hard rocks, and if he concentrated hard enough on the memory, he could even recall his sword flying up from the ground, enveloped in blue flames, and Merlin's nonsensical words commanding it to kill the Beast.

He knew the Beast was dead. He wasn't sure how it had died—if the burning sword was just another figment of his imagination, a mere wish, or whether one of his men had slain it.

But he knew it was dead.

And soon, he would follow.

The next time he sort of regained consciousness was to Merlin shouting more strange words at him. He vaguely felt someone carrying him.

Then all movement stopped and he was sure he was in his own bed, the pain in his side ever-present.

He had no sense of time. Sometimes, he was dreaming and everything felt fine, next, he felt someone's hands stroking his forehead and removing a wet cloth from it, replacing it with a fresh one, a colder one.

" _Arthur, I'm sorry."_

He heard Merlin's words.

Arthur decided that this was not a dream because he could hear sadness in Merlin's voice. And in his dreams, Merlin was never sad.

" _I should have paid more attention to Morgana's dream, I should have been expecting it, and I should have stopped it."_

Arthur listened, his mind slowly slipping back into the darkness, only to be pulled back by Merlin's next words.

" _But I'm fixing it. You're not going to die, Arthur, I'm telling you. Because we haven't done all the things we're meant to do. Because I know that one day, you will be a king. A greater king than your father could ever be . . . It's what keeps me going."_

Merlin paused and Arthur thought about what he'd said. Did Merlin really mean it? Was he not dying? His wound throbbed with pain, but he wanted to believe Merlin.

" _You're a royal prat, you know that?"_ Merlin chuckled. " _When I first met you, I didn't understand how anyone could like you. How anyone could one day fall in love with you when you were acting the way you were."_

Despite the overwhelming sadness that was radiating from Merlin, for some reason, Arthur was beginning to think that this could be a dream after all.

There was no way that Merlin would say such nice things about him. Such hopeful things.

" _I didn't understand that,"_ Merlin continued, " _Well . . . now I do."_

If Arthur could blink in confusion, he would do it now. He was sure now that he was dreaming again. How on earth could he ever be so lucky that Merlin would love him back? That Merlin would bring him flowers?

" _You'll never know it. And that is because I'm giving my life to save yours."_

What?

Arthur couldn't move, he couldn't talk, couldn't wake up and stop Merlin from whatever stupidity he got himself into. He didn't remember ever being _conscious_ or _aware_ of things while being unconscious for this long, and he knew that the darkness would try to pull him back under in no time (and he'd dream, he'd dream of Merlin and flowers and beautiful sunsets with him by his side), but right now, he wished more than ever that he could wake up and stop the bloody idiot.

" _You're going to live, Arthur. You're going to live to be the man that I've seen inside you, and I can see a Camelot that is fair and just. I can see a king that the people will love and be proud to call their sovereign."_

 _Not without you by my side, you idiot._ Arthur cried.

He felt Merlin's finger brush under his eye and suddenly he knew that he _really_ was crying. Merlin wiped his tears and his voice cracked as he continued.

" _For the love of Camelot, Arthur . . . you have to live."_

With that, he heard footsteps, and then the darkness claimed him and he began to dream. It was _not_ a nice dream. He could see Merlin riding out of Camelot, on his way to give his life for Arthur. Arthur didn't understand _how_ Merlin could do that, but he knew he couldn't let him do it.

But the bite of the Questing Beast was fatal.

And so until Merlin returned, Arthur kept on slowly dying.

xoXÖXox

The next time the darkness left him, it was because someone was moving his body. He could feel two hands support his head while someone put something cold to his lips. He couldn't help but swallow it.

The pain receded.

He could hear footsteps again, his father crying.

He'd never thought his father would cry because of him. It was both pleasant and concerning, because then he felt the darkness leaving him completely and he knew that he was getting better. He knew that whatever Merlin had done . . . _worked._

He woke up to find his father sleeping by his bed.

Arthur's movement woke him up too and soon Uther was smiling, holding his hand, keeping the tears at bay.

" _Arthur_ ," he squeezed his hand.

Arthur let his head fall back onto his pillow, but not before noticing Gaius standing in his chambers. And just like that, all his memories come rushing back.

He sat up faster than he should have and grimaced as the pain returned momentarily.

"Sire, you shouldn't-"

"Merlin!" Arthur gasped as he looked up at Gaius' confused face. "Get me Merlin, I need to talk to him!" When no one moved, he yelled, "hurry!" and fell back into his bed, his head spinning.

He couldn't believe how tired he was after being unconscious for days.

His father left as soon as he was assured Arthur would live, running late to attend a council meeting, and Arthur was glad for that. Because the next time the door opened, it was Merlin who entered his chambers.

"Merlin," Arthur called.

Merlin's smile was almost contagious, but Arthur wouldn't smile back. He couldn't. Not when there was a possibility that Merlin was going to die.

"Arthur, I-"

"Come here," Arthur commanded. When Merlin got close enough, he grabbed his jacket and made him sit on Arthur's bed, his eyes narrowing. "Did you or did you _not_ trade your life for mine?" He asked. Merlin's eyes widened and Arthur felt like he was stabbed by the Beast all over again if _this_ was proof that what he heard Merlin say to him was not a dream. "You're _alive_ ," Arthur closed his eyes and held Merlin's jacket more tightly. "Are you going to live?" He asked, his voice wavering.

Merlin's lips formed a thin line and he didn't nod. He didn't confirm _anything_.

But Arthur understood what that meant.

He could feel his strength leaving him again and before he collapsed back into his bed, he pushed himself closer to Merlin and unexpectedly, enveloped him in a hug. He pulled Merlin closer when he felt his hands on his back.

"Don't die," he whispered. "Not for me."

"How do you know about that?" Merlin asked, his voice weak.

Arthur took a breath, his nose still buried in Merlin's warm shoulder. "Because I heard you, you idiot," Arthur confessed. He could feel Merlin tense in his arms. "I heard _everything_."

When he thought he was strong enough again, he pushed himself away from Merlin but kept him in his arms. "Do you truly love me so much to give your life for mine?"

Merlin's eyes filled with tears and Arthur couldn't help but lean in and kiss him. He didn't want Merlin to die. He couldn't let him do that. But if he was no longer unconscious, was the deed already done? Would Merlin die now? Would death ruin everything for them just when he learned that Merlin loved him back?

He made sure that Merlin knew everything he wanted to say in the kiss and then pulled back, only now realizing his cheeks were wet from his own tears.

He didn't remember the last time he was so emotional. He probably never was. Not before Merlin came to Camelot and changed him and then kept changing him.

Arthur didn't want to lose all that now.

He _couldn't._

"I'm sorry," Merlin whispered, now holding onto Arthur as if his life depended on it. If it did, Arthur would keep him here forever.

He'd never let him go.

"Then undo it, and _I'll_ die," Arthur offered, but Merlin was already shaking his head.

"It cannot be undone."

"I order you to undo it, then!" Arthur pleaded desperately.

"Arthur." Merlin's voice was stronger now. Determined. Yet still apologetic. He looked into his eyes and repeated, "it cannot be undone."

Arthur wanted to shout, kick, _kill_ whoever made the rules of . . . of _whatever_ it was that Merlin had done.

"Your life is worth a hundred of mine."

Arthur's hold on Merlin tightened. _Who_ made him think like that?

"Don't ever say that."

Merlin's mouth opened and in that same moment, so did the door. Guinevere rushed in, paying no attention to how they were holding onto each other. Instead, her face was full of worry.

"Merlin," she pursed his lips, her voice thick with sadness. "Your mother."

Merlin jumped out of his arms in an instant, and before Arthur could stop him and ask what had happened, both Gwen and Merlin were gone.

And Arthur was left wondering if perhaps this was the last time he ever saw Merlin alive.

xoXÖXox

It was a day later when Arthur finally saw Merlin again. Gwen kept giving him news of Merlin's mother, but as to where Merlin or Gaius had gone, she had no idea. Arthur had never been so frustrated and scared in his life.

And all while being bedridden.

When Gwen came to inform Arthur that Hunith had miraculously recovered, Arthur was sure that it had something to do with Merlin and Gaius being gone.

He ignored the pain from his wound and put on his jacket, and left his chambers. There, on the stairs in front of the castle, he waited for his servant and the court physician to return and he didn't care how many hours it would take.

He would be the first to know that they were back.

 _If_ they were back.

If _Merlin_ was back.

He'd almost lost all hope when he finally spotted two figures on horses, one blue, the other with a red neckerchief. He couldn't contain his happiness as he rushed down the stairs and ran into the stables where Merlin and Gaius had just entered with the horses.

The stables were empty except for Merlin, Gaius and Arthur, but when Gaius saw him, he smirked and left, leaving the two of them alone. Arthur was glad for that.

Without further ado, he enveloped Merlin in another hug, not minding one bit that he was soaked to the skin. Merlin returned the hug, laughing when Arthur held him tighter, and Arthur allowed himself to close his eyes, enjoying the fact that Merlin was _alive._

He didn't know what had happened. He didn't ask.

"Never do that again, you idiot," he commanded, glad to hear Merlin laugh into his shoulder.

"Never again," he agreed.

When they finally let go, Merlin's worried frown returned. "My mother?"

"She's alright," Arthur informed him happily.

And then, just as unexpectedly as before, Merlin looked around to confirm that they were alone and then _kissed_ Arthur, no hesitation whatsoever. Arthur smiled into the kiss, happier than he'd ever been.

And just to be sure, he pinched himself on the arm.

_It wasn't a dream._

His smile widened as he finally acted on his feelings without fear and deepened the kiss.

It _wasn't_ a dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know if you liked it ;)


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